Adventures in Dating-Land

I had a date tonight....one for the record books, in fact....and not in a good way. To preface this story, you should know that I met this guy through match.com....that might have been my first mistake. No names will be mentioned to protect the strange.


He and I have been emailing back and forth for a while now, and decided to get together for some coffee to see how things went in person. We agreed to meet at 8:30pm and being the OCD individual I am, I showed up at 8:15 with a book to look "casual" and maybe even "smart." Well, it gets to be 8:30, then 8:45 and finally, 9pm rolls around. Now I'm pissed...that little f-er stood me up. I go home, get online and check to see that he is able to receive messages on his phone. I'm ready to rip him a new one and he shoots me a message that he is lost. The address he got online is wrong and he can't find the place. Well, now I'm less angry and more annoyed and little worried about the level of intelligence of this individual; he is 4 blocks down the street and he says the people he stopped to ask have no idea what coffee shop he is referring to. He apologizes profusely and I feel bad because he drove here specifically to meet with me, so I offer to drive back over (it's only a few minutes away.)



I tell him to park in a specific lot next to another coffee shop across the street from the one I was waiting at originally. Silly me, I assume he will enter this coffee shop of his own accord, so I head in, order a cider and see if I can find him. Well, I don't see him, but I do happen to run into my brother, who got a really good laugh out of the whole thing. I wait for about ten minutes and decide to see if maybe he is out in the lot. I step outside and a guy gets out of his car, waves and starts walking toward me....it's him. He apologizes profusely and which point I notice he has the worst lisp I have ever heard...ever. It was honestly hard to understand him.

We head into the coffee shop, he meets my brother and I direct him to the counter where he can order a drink. He promptly sits down beside me...without a beverage. I ask if he likes coffee; he says not really. I say there are other things to choose from; he says he's not thirsty. Good thing we met for a coffee-like beverage. He proceeds to tell me about how he still lives with his parents and plans to do so for an indeterminate amount of time because he is finishing his degree but has no idea what he wants to do. His current plan is that he is "hoping a job might fall in his lap." He also asks me about my schooling and how it is going, which is nice....the first time. He runs out of things to ask, so he asks me that again....3 more times.

I am finally so fed up with making conversation that I tell him I am tired and need to go home to go to bed. He says that he also has an early morning for work. Being polite, I ask where he works. He tells me that I don't want to know...shady, I know....but it gets better. He reveals that he works at Bob Evan's, which is awesome, great, fine, whatever, but then he drops the creeper bomb: we worked together and he has known the whole time. I worked there for 3 months....6 years ago. He tells me he recognized me right away from my picture on my profile.

When I asked why he didn't tell me, he says he didn't want to sound like a creepy stalker...which by withholding this info, he sounds like just that. I apologize because I don't recognize him at all and now I feel bad and awkward. We head toward our cars and he asks for my number; I tell him that I am weird about giving out my number and never do...he tells me that's fine and that he's heard that before. He gives me one of those awkward ass-out, double-back-thump hugs and tells me he'll talk to me soon.

Not if I can help it.


And just for you, Mom: I was safe and told friends his name and description and what time I would be home. Also, I took the longest, craziest route I could manage to get home so he definitely doesn't know where I live.